Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize