So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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