so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
