So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
