I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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