"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
