Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
