is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All the doctor said was why
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
