I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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