New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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