well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just want nice things and good sex
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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