the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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