So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
