if you like me you must not know who I am
I need help removing her.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
