I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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