So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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