There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
