yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
