Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
