i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you traded sex for a burrito?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
