When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
