Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
