Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
