I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
