I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
