I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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