she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize