Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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