Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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