Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
