Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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