So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
