It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
