I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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