There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
