She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
