that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
