you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
