Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
