dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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