then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
