I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
