It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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