I want to walk on stilts...naked
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there was a trapeze. enough said
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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