Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
