I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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