I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
