I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
