bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
