I heard we made out
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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