Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
