Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
