Please, let me fuck your mom
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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