I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
