My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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