wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
