our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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