I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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