I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
