Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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