It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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