Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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