I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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