wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
