Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
worst night to have a conscience
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
