Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize