Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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