32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
