now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
