last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
