he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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