headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize