I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
