i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
